I’m writing today’s blog as I catch up on yesterday’s episode of Love Island… the one after the post Casa Amor recoupling episode… you know that s*** is about to hit the fan. So, I’ll start with an apology for poor grammar and spelling ‘cos I’m well distracted, ain’t I’ (said in my best Essex accent).
For you non-Love Islanders; don’t worry this post isn’t going to be about how Georgia is going to react to that cheating scum bag Josh or how brilliant it is to see Wes getting his karma as he’s ‘mugged off’ by the villa’s resident skank Meg… Yes I went there, if you watched it too then you’d go there too!
Alright I’m done, ‘I promise babes’… 😬
When Crags and I adopted the boys, I took 12 months adoption leave from my role as an Operations Director and once that time was up, it was clear to me that there was no going back to the job I was doing before for several reasons; wanting to invest more time with the boys to continue building on that bond and attachment but also that I had fallen out of love with the company I’d worked with for over 10 years… not the people though, before anyone gets upset! 💙
Handing in my notice brought up so many thoughts and emotions… mostly excitement that I was about to become a lady of leisure and spend loads of time with my boys but also relief from the anxiety of going back to a role that I knew deep down wasn’t making me happy or leaving me feeling fulfilled.
The feelings I had weren’t all positive though. There was always a niggle in the back of mind about money… being a kept man on paper sounds great but the reality is you’re living off a handout from your other half. I am very fortunate to have such a lovely partner who wants to provide for his family and doesn’t make money an issue (I’ll deny it if you tell him I said that), but there’s no getting around the feeling that you’re a bum.
I don’t think I’ve gone a week since giving up work where I haven’t been the source of a joke about it, which to be fair I probably encourage and ask for sometimes… but I’d be lying if I said that deep down it doesn’t stoke the fires of insecurity.
Another fear I had about giving up work to become a domestic goddess, was that when the time comes and I’m ready to go back to work/can’t justify not working anymore, what the hell am I going to do? Will I have the skills and knowledge still to do another job? Will I have to retrain? Would I ever get a decent salary like I did before? The questions are never ending when I get going!
In hindsight, I look back on my time in people management and can honestly and ashamedly say that I was never really sympathetic towards women coming back off maternity and again, if I’m being really honest, I would read an application from a mum who was looking to get back into work after time off raising a family and I would be filled with apprehension about how much time she’s going to want off for sick kids or half term.
It’s sad but it’s true and if I ever go back into people management, those mum’s will be top of my list to employ because if they are raising a family of young kids and are brave enough to risk starting a new job then they deserve a medal!
I’ve been a full-time dad for not far off two years now, and I can honestly say I have no regrets and the decision was right for me personally and for us as a family. Hopefully that is evident in the strong relationship I feel I have with the boys and how they have settled and grown so much.
There is definitely a downside to not working! Regular adult conversation is scarce (although that’s also a blessing sometimes as I’m not really a lover of chitty-chat for the sake of it), some weeks feel like groundhog day [most weeks] and worst of all I think I might actually becoming dumber!?!
I refer you back to the start of this blog and my rambling about Love Island… LOVE ISLAND! ON WHAT PLANET DID I START WATCHING LOVE ISLAND ON? I’m seriously addicted to it, I sit shouting (mostly abusive things) at a TV, about random dimwits and sexual deviants (actually LOLing writing that)… there is something seriously wrong with that. Do I plan to watch it until the end and then probably the next series… HELL to the YES!
I apologise if that really offends anyone, but if it does, then you too need to ask yourself the question… ‘Has watching Love Island actually made me dumber?’
Alright, so I can’t really blame Love Island for how I’m feeling right now, but I am definitely feeling like there is a dark(ish) cloud over my head when I think about working again and the ‘shade‘ is cold!
Shade is a reference from Ru Paul’s Drag Race… which I am equally addicted to… I really do watch some trash don’t I? 🤔🤣
I need to go back to work… but I’ll save that thought for another day! 🙈🤣🤪