I wouldn’t blame you for thinking a post titled ‘Scary Flowers‘, posted a week after Valentines Day, would be all about how I didn’t receive any flowers from my beloved or how the ones he got me where ‘shocking’ in some way (the shock being that he actually bought me some obvs).
Well, you would be wrong… in most part. For the record I didn’t receive any flowers, rather Craggers opted to buy the person who is desperately trying to lose weight and resist the urge to drink on school nights, chocolate and gin! Do you remember that documentary called ‘Fat Girls and Feeders’ years ago… they could totally film a sequel ‘Fat Gays and Feeders’ starring me & Craig.
I’m three paragraphs in and this post is fast becoming about my Valentine’s gripes sorry, back to my point…
On Valentine’s Day I made a comment to one of the boys about how I didn’t get any flowers off Dad and that it’s nice to send Valentine’s flowers to the ones we love… trying to educate them about the day, which obviously fell on deaf/uninterested ears. The response I got was “look at flowers on your phone”, so we did just that.
Google on, ‘funny flowers’ typed in… don’t ask why I typed ‘funny’ in, I guess I was wanting to make it a bit more entertaining than just looking at ‘boring’ flowers. I wasn’t quite expecting the response I got.
So this was the first picture that came up, cue ‘concerned face’ from Twin 1. I thought nothing of it and carried on scrolling…
Me: “ooo look, it looks like they have faces”
Twin 1: “Scary Flowers”
I should tell you at this point that Twin 1 has a proper phobia of dolls and talking toys, and I mean proper scared of them to the point he will break down terrified in the Disney Store if you go remotely near the princess dolls!
WHY ON EARTH DID I SAY FLOWERS HAVE FACES TO THIS CHILD!?!
That was only my first mistake. The second one was probably the biggest of all… this conversation went on in front of Twin 2 aka ‘The Tormentor’, ‘The Sicko’, ‘The child that finds great pleasure in scaring his sibling’. *cue face palm*
It gets worse though because in that split second moment of scrolling I still hadn’t processed all this and showed a few more…
What do I have now… one child that thinks flowers are demonic, scary things and one child who now thinks it’s hilarious to shout ‘flowers‘ at his brother because of the hysterical reaction it provokes!
Now I’ve got to start the whole process trying to explain that;
1- Flowers are not scary, they don’t have faces, they don’t talk and definitely don’t eat little boys (I’m going to avoid ‘Alice in Wonderland‘ for a little while… be sure to note in the comments any other films we should avoid!)
2- That it is nice to buy people flowers to cheer them up and make them feel special… hint hint Craig, you can get some good ones over at Latest Deals you know!
3- That it isn’t nice to torment your brother when they are scared! (That’s a daily battle I’m sadly losing so far!)
This whole experience has totally bought me some sleepless nights or some serious £££ in private therapy for the rest of his life… although to be fair, I might be joining him after I saw this one… #justsaying #sorrynotsorry