Blogs,  Child Development,  Parenting

The Urgent Rush

Crawling, walking, talking, feeding themselves, tripod grips, potty training, counting, saying the alphabet, dressing themselves, able to brush their own teeth… it’s literally one thing after another from birth to adulthood that a child has to start doing… and we seem to be in an urgent rush to get them all down! Why?

For me potty training is the perfect example. Once the kids turned two it seemed that EVERYONE is interested in where you are up to with it. I don’t think a day goes by where I’m either asked about how they are getting on or I jump straight down someone’s throat to let them know how we are getting on, probably out of fear of the question (or to gloat as 1 out of 2 has done amazing).

My latest thing is counting and saying our ABC’s. Prompted by Pips and her family staying with us last week and Fin-bob picked up the 4 and 1 fridge magnets, held them side by side and said “forty-one” whilst our two where sat throwing cereal at each other and talking in monkey language which only they seem to understand!

Now Pips will say she hates me being competitive and comparing the boys, but the fact is it’s real and you just can’t help but compare kids of the same age.

When you see or hear a child the same age, or worse, even younger do something your child hasn’t mastered yet it sends you into an internal panic. You might nod along and agree with their parent as they remind you that all children get to it in their own time, but you know deep down it’s eating you alive.

Come Monday morning I had the boys sat ready for class, alphabet flash cards out, fridge magnets out, paper and crayons ready to go. I flogged them with the ABC for a good 30 minutes. Haribo loved every minute and engaged well… Jay on the other hand just looked blank at me and said ‘play Woody’ and proceeded to climb all over me in hysterics because I was sat on the floor with no top on (it’s very hot!).

Straight after, I’m on the phone to Craig telling him we need to stick Haribo into Nursery for an extra day so I can really concentrate on Jay. Again, I ask Why?

My answer? Because I’m terrified that my child might get left behind, that people might think negatively about him because he’s adopted, that they might whisper behind our backs that there might be something wrong or worse again, they might think its my fault *gasps*.

Well Phil… I’m having a word with myself here, bare with… IT’S ALL IN YOUR HEAD and if any of it is true then WHO CARES? And if anyone is talking crap about your family behind your back… SCREW THEM, they’re probably just hiding their own fears or concerns by talking about yours (lets be honest, we can all be guilty of that too!).

The reality is they will get it in their own time it’s true and if for any reason they don’t, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it and embrace the amazing kid they are regardless!

Literally two months ago I was stressing myself out so much about potty training with Haribo because of his toddler diarrhoea, envisaging sending him to school next year still in nappies, debating whether to hold him back a year, frantically googling to try and solve the ‘problem’, literally driving myself insane… two weeks later HE decided he was doing it and has been using the toilet ever since with next to no accidents. If that doesn’t give you hope about everything to come then I don’t know what will.

Relax parents… you got this, they got this, lets just enjoy them growing up and deal with the real concerns if they ever come to fruition!

And to all you shady b*tches out there gossiping… stop it, it’s not nice y’all (I promise I’ll try harder too!).

Rant done… back to class… drilling them on numbers today haha.

This is a touchy subject for me… FYI Phil, I’m totally hijacking this blog!

Uh-oh… her she goes… 🀣

Agreed, I do hate you comparing our boys and being competitive – but I know it’s from a good place and its not with malice.😘

With my first, I used to compare his development to other children ALL the time. Reason being, he was my first and I didn’t know any better. Speech was my main concern, because it wasn’t as developed as some his age. I would constantly talk to him to get him to try talk back, but instead got ‘monkey’. We’d do flash cards, word games I even asked the Health Visitor to send some speech techniques to his nursery, to try encourage him to talk more. I felt miserable and stressed over it and even started convincing myself that he may have something wrong with him – I was a mess!πŸ™ˆ

But it didn’t stop there… because I talked about it ALL the time and became a little obsessed by it, people would naturally ask how he was getting on and I would weirdly get the hump, as though Fin-Bob was being insulted – Crazy! So I have to keep that little weirdo inside of me locked down, and not get hung up on making comparisons because it all goes pear shaped. Bit like your speech at the end! 🀣

Anyway, I’ve taken a HUGE disliking to ‘competitive parenting‘ shall we call it? Doesn’t do anything for my nerves… I can very quickly turn into a psycho-mum and it’s not pretty. I suppose all as we can do as parents is mentor and support as best we can, and not let that ‘urgent rush‘ get the better of us.🧘

I know you don’t like it and see how it bothers you so I try my hardest not to go there, but it is hard because you naturally want to make sense of where your kid is at in the real world.Β 

Absolutely, completely understand… I’m still doing it myself if I’m honest, but I refuse to let the psycho-mum raise her ugly head because I can’t control were her mind runs to next – you see I’m even referring to her in third person! 🀣 🀣

FYI… stop rubbing me nose in it about bloody potty training will yeh… smug git! πŸ‘€πŸ‘ŠπŸ€£πŸ€£

Have to let that psycho out occasionally or she’ll wear me down πŸ‘ΉπŸ€£

Come on let me have that small victory… I’ve got to do it all over again now 😫🀣

Haha… It’s yours, you both deserve it. πŸ‘πŸ‘ No sympathy though, you have one – I still have two to do. 😭

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